Defeating Tiny Hands McWhite Supremacist

I'm voting for Hillary Clinton. I did not arrive at this decision lightly. As most of you know, I am a Sanders supporter. I voted for Bernie because I preferred the candidate who didn't take any money from the unholy cabal of greed demons on Wall Street who tanked the world's (again, THE WORLD'S) economy back in 2008. As Matt Taibbi recently wrote,

“When I think about the way the Democrats and their friends in the press keep telling me I owe them my vote, situations like the following come to mind. We're in another financial crisis. The CEOs of the ten biggest banks in America, fresh from having wrecked the economy with the latest harebrained bubble scheme, come to the Oval Office begging for a bailout. In that moment, to whom is my future Democratic president going to listen: those bankers or me? It's not going to be me, that's for sure. Am I an egotist for being annoyed by that? And how exactly should I take being told on top of that that I still owe this party my vote, and that I should keep my mouth shut about my irritation if I don't want to be called a Republican-enabler?”

Bernie didn't win the primary, though. I'm going to vote for Clinton, because I want to keep an honest-to-God fucking comic book villain out of the White House. Plus, those Supreme Court nominees are a pretty big deal, if things like LGBT rights are important to you and you believe women's health choices, including abortion, belong to them and not a group of pasty-white legislators with Baptist haircuts and an axe to grind with every woman who couldn't be satisfied by their half-flaccid Vienna sausage dicks. Also, I'm definitely anti-wall. There's also the fact that I'm legitimately terrified for my Muslim friends if we elect Orange is the New Fascist. I'm NOT crazy about how cozy Hillary is with Wall Street (And, yes, the Mule is just as addicted to and dazzled by money as the Elephant) and the fact that we'll probably continue bombing the bejesus out of brown people on the other side of the world (Middle Eastern parents watching a drone strike blow up their kid probably don't give a shit if it was sent by a Democrat or a Republican).

So, there ya go Democratic Party. You got my vote. Surely you won't mind a little constructive criticism, right? You can't keep running campaigns based on the “lesser of two evils” platform. Granted, the evil you're running against this time is pretty goddamn fucking evil, however, this attitude is becoming more and more frustrating for voters. Don't be afraid to actually be liberal and progressive. An example from right here in Kentucky: If you took the campaign ads from Jack Conway and Alison Lundergan Grimes and showed those to people above the Mason-Dixon Line, they'd assume they were watching Republicans. The days of holding a shotgun and saying Jesus to inspire Democrats to get off their asses and to polls are over. It's pandering, it's insulting, and it's everything you accuse the other side of doing. Most importantly, though, it would be a grave error to alienate and ignore all the millennials who support Bernie. Probably not a good idea to continue being snide and condescending to them (and older liberals, like yours truly), as well. The main reason? Most of the millennials that I know don't give fuck one about the Democratic Party. They care more about candidates who take therm seriously and who they can believe in. When they hear calls for “party unity,” they hear “you're idealism is adorable, but now it's time to be cynical bastards like the rest of us and choose the lesser of two evils because this is the system we have, blah, blah, blah.” Look, I'm old enough to remember when there were only three channels to choose from on the TV. These kids grew up with 200 fucking coffee flavors to choose from every day of their lives. Good luck convincing them that only two parties are really the best we can do as a country. It's going to take more than continually pointing to the other side and saying “BOO” to inspire them. And I, for one, admire the hell out of that. I even married one.

Again, before you feel the need to Demsplain to me about party loyalty, I've already said I'm voting for your candidate. Just remember, if we defeat Tiny Hands McWhite Supremacist in November, don't think that gives you a free pass to coast next time. We'll talk again in four years.