A Message For Fanboys

There is a point on the misogyny spectrum where the nerdiest nerd and fratiest frat boy meet. And that point is represented by the female vagina, which is something that terrifies both of them. Occasionally, something comes along that gets their man-panties in a wad and today, that thing is the new "Ghostbusters." Why? BECAUSE IT'S GIRLS!!! Boys can bust nuts, so they should be the only ones that bust ghosts, too! What is it with you small-peckered, whiny-ass little shits that makes you immediately jump to fantasies of rape and violence against women whenever they step out of the sexual fantasy box that you want to keep them in? If you're reading this and doubt what I'm saying, go to any website that released the "Ghostbusters" trailer today and look at the sometimes pathetic, sometimes terrifying comments these poster boys for arrested development (the condition, not the awesome TV show) spew at the females of our species. Unless I missed something, I don't think all DVD copies of the original disintegrated when they started filming the new one. The movie might be good. It might suck. END OF STORY. The original is a classic and will always be there, so STOP using reboots and remakes as an excuse to be an absolute piece of shit as a human being and attacking women. And please understand, this is coming from a guy who has spent WAY too much time making fun of and taking shots at the "Star Wars" prequels. I never, however, NEVER said that they "raped" my childhood. That would require time travel and a really obnoxiously obsessive desire to rape 10-year-old me. My childhood is fine. The new "Ghostbusters" isn't going to "rape" yours. It's a movie...not the Catholic Church. (rim shot!) And by the way, the ladies who are the new Busters are funnier and more successful than you will ever be (successful AND have vaginas...oooooh scary). Kristen Wiig? Real funny. Melissa McCarthy? Damn funny. Leslie Jones? Goddamn funny. Kate McKinnon? Fucking rockstar funny. So, do me a favor, all of you fanboys who spend all your time railing against any movie, TV show, or video game that isn't dominated by white men...go to the bathroom, rub one out if you have to for focus, slime yourself, then take a good long look in the mirror and really look at yourself for a change and repeat these words until they sink in, "Women don't owe me anything." Because you know what? They don't. Not in the movies. Not in life. Just maybe, though, there are some women that you owe an apology.